Plan B

Wow. I can’t believe I haven’t blogged in almost a month. We have been busy – lots of good-bye dinners, last appointments, and calls to the east coast.

There’s so much going on right now… it feels like our entire lives are changing. We’re moving across country. My job has ended. My husband’s new job comes with double the prestige and salary. Not to mention the fact that we’re getting new sofas.

And thankfully (THANKFULLY!) very little of it has to do with my mental illness. Thus, since I started this blog as a forum to talk about how I live with my mental illness, I haven’t really been sure what to blog about lately.

But... I COULD talk endlessly about all the anxiety I’ve been dealing with lately. Or, more simply put, worry. Lots and lots and LOTS of worry. My fears stick (incessantly) to a few major themes – movers, security deposits, apartments, ect.

My biggest fears center on how I’ll manage my mental illness after the move - Will I fall apart without my therapists in California? Will I find new ones who aren’t idiots? Will our new insurance company pay or will I need to sell a kidney? I’m also worried about my tendency to isolate. Will I make friends and find support groups? Will I find some work or value to add to the world or will it just be the TV, the new sofa and me?

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So where do I channel these fears? I obsess. About pointless things. Like liquids.

Um… liquids? Juniper?

Well, you know, you shouldn’t really move liquids across country. They can spill or leak. In the middle of August, they can get cooked and explode in the moving truck. And believe me… everyone’s house has a lot of liquids. There are three major categories: cleaning supplies, beauty products and food. Oh and don’t forget the propane and white gas for grilling and camping. Yeah… those really can’t come.

So Juniper, you may be thinking, throw them all away before you move. Done and done!

No way Jose. I paid good money for those bottles of shampoo and pasta sauce. I have this irrational need to use them all up before we leave. This requires some planning and discipline.

And maybe a few spreadsheets.

Don’t even get me started on the fancy mustards. HOW did we accumulate four jars of fancy mustard? There’s no way we’re going to finish all four jars before the movers come on Monday. And there is no plan B – I can’t give them away because they’re already opened. Sigh. I guess they’re going in the trash.

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Betcha forgot that I what I’m REALLY worried about is getting depressed and isolated after the move. See how good I am at avoidance and obfuscation?

Postscript: after writing this, I discovered a can of spray shellac. Damn. How does one properly pawn this off on a friend?