Boundaries

I emailed my parents today and told them the Antarctica trip was "too long" of a trip to take during the school year. Who knows if they'll buy it – who cares. I read and reread the last post about 100 times and we both came to the realization that we'd be idiots to lock ourselves on a boat with them for 14 days.  We'll pick another destination I told them… I'm not sure if I believe that. Frankly, the toll that visit took on me was astounding. I came back so depleted that I wound up getting an incredibly bad cold that I'm still not over.  Maybe it's turned into pneumonia or asthma or just simply got my chronic fatigue so flared up that I feel sick all of the time. But as I told my self and this blog a few months ago: taking care of them does not work and only makes me sicker. Occasionally I should listen to myself…

So the new rule will be this: I will never, ever, agree to spend any time with them while I am in their presence. Clearly I get too dysregulated to make good decisions. I will make up some excuse about needing to check with work or something but I will never commit until I am home and in my right mind. There probably should be other rules, but for now this is the easiest one I can think of and that's the most likely to be able to implement.

I cannot control them, but I can control my own actions. And it's becoming ever increasingly clear that I must control decisions around my health. I feel like this post should have some sort of big mic drop at the end but honestly… The whole thing is just sad.