honestly, baffled

August: wife of best friend dies

Mom: I’d like to get her something – what do you think she could use?

Me: I don’t know but I’ll ask. Thinks to self: oh, I dunno, a housekeeper, driver, nanny…

Me (to best friend): hey there, my mom wants to buy you something – anything you need?

Friend: Actually… you know what… I would like to go do a spa day with you to rest & relax.

Me (to mom): She said a spa day. Don’t know if that’s what you had in mind but it was the first thing she mentioned – and she doesn’t usually ask for things.

Mom: Sounds like a great idea!

September: horrible visit to parents’ house

Mom: So what spa do you want to go to?

Me: Um… I have no idea. I don’t know a lot about spas. I know there’s one near her house – you could try there?

Mom: Well I don’t know about spas in your state! What do you want to have done?

Me: Thinks to self: bullshit, you lived here for 30 years and you go to spas all the time. Well… I guess just a day-package type thing. Can’t you just do a gift-certificate?

Mom: Well I don’t know what you want to do. You have to tell me.

Me: Let’s just table the idea. I don’t really have time to research this right now since I’m helping her find therapy and other basic needs.

Mom: Well let me know when you have time to look into it.

Me: Um… if it’s YOUR gift, shouldn’t YOU look into it?

October: emails from hell

Mom: I was just thinking about the spa idea for you two.  Let me know when you decide on a place that works for both of you.
Me: OK. Here are 3 spas near her house. Just pick whatever you're comfortable with.
Mom: I have been doing a little investigating of the places you have suggested for a spa day. Are you thinking of trying to do this before you have your surgery on Nov. 11th?
Me: Thinks to self: um, that’s not my surgery date…
Mom: One place, while I'm sure is lovely, is out of sight price wise. The other place, not surprisingly, because it is a day spa, is much more reasonable. I can do a gift certificate online for two packages.  It sounds like this is what I can afford right now. I have a lot of charity expenses right now, too, but I think I can swing this.  Thanks to Uncle Sam and my Social Security checks!

Me: Um… if you can’t afford this, you aren’t obligated to do this. I’m sure my friend forgot we even talked about it; she has so much on her mind.

Mom: Well, it is too expensive, but I will honor the commitment I made.

Me: Okaaaay….? Also, it’s very unlikely we’re going to fit this in before my surgery. I’m only free 1 of those weekends and we both have so much going on right now I don’t want to pressure her to fit it in if she can’t.

Mom: Well do you want to call her and make a plan?

Me: Not really. She’s struggling with getting laundry done and making the kids’ lunches right now. I don’t think scheduling this is a top priority at the moment. We’ll do it eventually.

Mom: Well I wanted to get her something she can use now. I guess just let me know when you want to do this and I’ll order the gift certificate online.

Me: Thinks to self: well that’s clearly not going to happen. And who cares what YOU wanted. YOU didn’t think of something, and she didn’t ask for that.

And. Scene.