Blame v. Shame '08

I’ve been watching the debates and it’s got me thinking about how I just don’t understand conflict. I know the stakes are very, very high for this election. I don’t fault them for being passionate. It’s the stupid underhanded crap that bugs me. The thing that bothers me the most is how they continuously call each other liars. McCain will get up and accuse Obama of something. Then Obama will get up and say that no, McCain isn’t right, that he really did vote for that bill or whatever. Then he’ll say its McCain who did the Very Bad Thing. Then McCain will mutter horseshit under his breath and the moderator will interrupt and the whole cycle will start all over again. I like Obama because I agree with his approach and his positions but ultimately they’re both politicians and they both bug me. In my perfect election, the two candidates would lay out their platforms on the internet and then people would choose based on whatever plan they agreed with. None of this partisan bickering and nonsense.

But I don’t even like listening to people argue on the radio. One thing that’s bugged me since I moved to the east coast is the predominance of call-in shows on the local NPR station. In California, it seemed like there were more informational programs. I figure, I listen to the radio to hear a summary of what the most intelligent people are saying about a certain issue. If I wanted to hear what some idiot with a phone who couldn’t formulate an idea to safe his life thought, I’d go to the local hardware store. I can’t stand listening to people go back and forth, back and forth without there being a clear winner. Surely someone must be able to make a complex and well-stated argument these days? It seems like nobody puts any thought into how they put their point across.

But I know that I’m a rare case – someone’s who’s almost allergic to conflict. I hate making even the smallest mistakes because I assume someone’s going to take issue with me. If only it was within my ability to just do everything perfectly, then nobody would ever have a reason to fault me. But perfection isn’t attainable and someone’s always going to judge you.

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I’ve been worrying a lot this week that our neighbors are judging us. We had to cut down a very large, very pretty, very old tree that sits smack dab in the middle of our front lawn. It wouldn’t be so bad except that we live on one of the major streets in town – right on the scenic route that winds along the shoreline. Dozens of runner, bicyclists, and classic cars roll by every day. I was sitting in my living room this morning, watching the people go by and thinking about how we need to get the curtains hung. Because, now that we’ve chopped down the tree, I can’t stand the audience. Before, when people went by, I liked thinking about how they saw our house. It’s very cute and scenic and I liked to think they were admiring it and maybe even a tiny bit jealous. Now, I wonder if they’re thinking, “Those young whippersnappers – they cut down that historic tree. Obviously, they have no respect for anything and they’re going to just destroy that property.” I drove through the center of town this morning and saw a bunch of people talking in front of the hardware store. I wondered if they were talking about those weird new people who cut down that gorgeous old tree – didja see it? I’m almost expecting an angry note in my mailbox. I feel like I want to post a sign on the front lawn that reads: “I swear, the tree was dying and was a hazard and we hated to cut it down and we promise that we’re going to plant another one soon!” And then next to it, there would be another little sign that read, “No, we are not selling firewood.”