For homework in DBT this week, we were asked to observe and describe various situations. One reason we do this is to compare these descriptions to our own, internal assumptions. We all make assumptions about our experiences - but they're not always correct.
Sunday AM:
OBSERVE: I felt self conscious and insecure while tutoring my noon client.
ASSUMPTIONS: I am a lousy tutor, a lousy adult and an even lousier woman. Also, this is not one of the families who treat me like an educator. They treat me like hired help.
DESCRIBE: I was late because I couldn't find parking. I was surprised when I saw that the student lived in a very modern loft-like building in a very trendy area of town. He looked neat, thin, and kinda athletic. I was wearing old pants and a fleece that were very loose. My hair was still damp from a shower and I wasn't wearing any makeup. I started to think that I looked fat and frumpy. He briefly introduced me to his dad. I started comparing myself to the dad who I saw as a "real" adult. The kid acted unsure of what to expect... he didn't know how much tutoring he wanted. I started worrying that I was talking too much. I forgot to introduce myself and tell the kid about my background. The kid is very smart and I wasn't quite sure what help I could be to him. He was already getting a 780 on the verbal section.
REALITY: Both the kid and I were a little unprepared and uncomfortable. Things'll probably go smoother next time. And I'll wear a nicer outfit so I feel more professional. It wasn't such a big deal and I don't need to beat myself up over it.
1 comment:
I used to do something like this for my procrastination problem (which really was very bad for a while). I would write down the event I was avoiding, the length of time I had been avoiding it, my reasons for not doing the task, the benefits I got from not doing it and the negative side effects of putting it off. I found that stuff the other day and it's very enlightening. In one case I waited EIGHT MONTHS to put the liscense tags on my new car because I wasn't sure I had a screwdriver. Apparently the risk of getting a ticket or the pride in owning a new car (one with a liscense plate number) wasn't enough to overcome my insecurity about a tool we may or may not have in the house.
It's clear that writing that out helped me see that this was sort of silly because right away I went a tried it out and it was fine. I think I really would have liked (would still like) DBT. It sounds very useful.
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