The emotion du jour = intense

Ya wanna know what Borderline Personality feels like? No. You really don’t.

Ok... are you sure?

Well, it's easy. Just pick an emotion, any emotion and jack it up about 100%.

The end.

More details? Keep reading.

Monday = sad:
I see a VW beetle that looks like the car I just traded in. I start to wonder where my old car is. And if it misses me. Or resents me for trading it in. Or if it has been (god forbid) stripped apart into pieces by a wholesaler. I start to get misty eyed over my old friend… the machine.

Wednesday = anger:
My DBT coach asks me how my latest visit to my parents’ house went. I proceed to tell her. She listens and suggests I do a chain reaction analysis worksheet about it. I get miffed. It feels like she asked me to talk, then cut me off and told me to shut up and do a worksheet instead of wasting valuable group time on my pathetic whining. Although somewhere deep down, I know this interpretation of events is totally inaccurate, I now resent her and contemplate never going to group again. Oh yeah, that’ll learn her.

Friday = guilt:
I get an email from my boss telling me that he needs to change my job description a bit. He needs me to do more tutoring and less administrative duties so the company can bring in more revenue to cover my salary. At the end, he wrote: “I'm sorry that we didn't better understand all these details at the beginning of the year. It turns out that we did calculations based on kids never missing a single tutoring session, and on every week being at the top of your average tutoring hours.”

So basically, he’s admitting that he did his calculations wrong and I kept up my end of the deal. But how do I interpret this? I feel incredibly guilty. I feel like a slacker whose slacking has ruined the company. Even though I’ve been tutoring almost exactly the amount he asked me to since September, IT’S ALL MY FAULT. He hates me. Even though there's only 10 weeks left in my contract, I should just quit and stay in bed and never work again. Ever.

Update:
the car dealer called yesterday to see how I liked the new car. He told me they sold my old car yesterday. Now I’m worried that the new owner is mean and drives it… I dunno, cruelly? What would that even LOOK like? Cornering too hard? Not changing the oil frequently enough? Leaving numerous soda bottles strewn about the floorboards? (Oh wait, that last one was me.)