Step 1: Research. I asked all my therapists in CA if they knew anyone in New England that specialized in Borderline Personality Disorder or DBT. (I figured if they do DBT, then they know all about Borderline) Then, I searched online for “DBT therapists in my state.” When I was done, I had a list of about a dozen people. I could eliminate a couple of people just based on their titles: One sounded too intensive. One ran a partial hospitalization program. One worked at a mental health center for low-income and low-functioning clients. One specialized in depression. Two were researchers, not practitioners.
Step 2: Phone interviews. I emailed or called the rest of the list. Most, but not all, got back to me and said that they’d be interested in working with me. Then I had a phone interview with the remaining few. By which I mean that I interviewed THEM. I eliminated one person because she was only available one day a week. I eliminated another because I didn’t need couples therapy.
Step 3: In person interviews. By now, there were only two left from my original list*. I made appointments to meet with them as soon as I arrived on the east coast.
*Along the way, the people I had contacted had given me more names of providers. I discovered, to my delight, that I had actually, on my own, already found and contacted almost ALL of the practitioners within 10 miles of my home! I decided to hang onto the other names in case the first couple didn’t work out.
When we finally met, I interviewed them, politely, in depth. I told them about what I wanted and needed. I asked them about their perspectives on Borderline. And I tried to listen to my initial, gut impressions. I liked one a lot. I didn’t like the other one. A lot.
But I’d found someone I liked. Now I just had to pay for her.
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