I’m not getting a baby anytime soon.
We’ve been trying to get pregnant for fourteen months with absolutely no success. Yes, ok, we didn’t give it our BEST try every single month. We were stressed and busy and tired some of those months. In December and August we didn’t try at all. (Neither moving boxes nor my parents’ house at the holidays gets us in the mood.)
But most of those months… we did everything right. I read the books. I charted my temperature. I got real up close and personal with all my… well suffice it to say that I learned A LOT about my reproductive cycle.
And now, in addition to my baby-less state, I’m noticing some… unpleasant changes. At least five times since we’ve been trying, my period’s been a WEEK early. Not a few days early – a full, freaking WEEK. And when this happens, it lasts days longer than usual.
So this week, I went to see my new gynecologist. Seems like a nice lady. Wasn’t horrified by my psychiatric history.
She says I have “unexplained infertility.” Fantastic. Just what I wanted. Another diagnosis for my collection.
She referred me to the University Fertility Clinic. As if my weeks weren’t busy enough doctor’s visits.
You wanna know what I think?! (WARNING: No, honestly, you don’t and should probably stop reading RIGHT NOW.)
I think this is natural selection at work. I’m the weak zebra in the herd. I’ve known it for a while now.
- My eyesight’s crap.
- My GI system’s temperamental.
- My psyche’s all broken and held together with scotch tape.
- There’s massive gobs of heart disease in my family.
- I’m a good 30 pounds overweight.
- I have ingrown toenails and a urinary tract that gets infected if you look at it wrong.
- I can’t even hold a freakin’ soda can for pete’s sake!
So why, given all of the above, do I have the arrogance, the gall to think that I have the RIGHT to reproduce? I’d just be weakening the species. Sometimes, I wonder if the responsible thing would be to leave well enough alone, listen to nature and forget medical science. Maybe it’s better to let the bad DNA end with me.
Except for my husband. He's got some pretty nice DNA. It'd be a shame to let that go to waste.
2 comments:
I feel like this a lot...not that I have any problems conceiving, just that I feel that if it weren't for the miracles of modern science, I'd have never made it past the age of like, 16 or something.
It's like those documentaries on monkeys and how they're social creatures? I would have been one of the first ones singled out, ostracized and then beaten in the head with a rock.
I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. Trust me it is not natural selection at work or perhaps it is in the good sense, like you are far too fabulous to have a million clones running around. So, you just need to consult science to make sure you get a couple of nice clones. Anyway, it is frustrating and devastating to go through all this. But I know it will happen.
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