Caution, Pollyanna alert

I read a thought provoking post at Anonymous Mom’s site last week that I’ve been meaning to comment on. She wrote:

“Throughout the past year I feel like I have been a traveling cloud of bad karma…. everywhere I go, the people I deal with on a daily basis are also experiencing this…. I am really starting to feel that I have the Midas touch of shit.”

When I first read this, I REALLY identified with it. My husband and I have frequently lamented our “bad karma.” I sometimes joke that I am the reincarnation of someone very evil. Ever since we got married in the summer of 2001, it’s felt like our lives have been surrounded with misfortune. Yet, this past week, I started to wonder if this was really accurate.

I decided that I would make a list of all the bad things that have happened since then.

2001
• World Trade Center Attacks. Our matron of honor, a NYC policewoman is nearly killed.
2002
• Business in NYC dries up and our friends lose their store in Chelsea.
• A family friend is brutally murdered at age 24. We later learn that the killer was planning to kill the entire family.
• I spend all year being verbally abused by my employer.
• My suicidal thoughts return and I’m incorrectly prescribed Paxil.
2003
• I’m arrested and charged with DUI.
• I spend a month in a psychiatric unit of a local hospital and then another month at a residential psychiatric program.
• I’m diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Alcoholism.
• I end my career as an architect and spend all year in a psychiatric day program.
2004
• I spend a week in a psychiatric unit of a local hospital.
• I’m kicked out of the residential psychiatric program.
• My disability insurance runs out and we struggle financially.
• We battle with our insurance company and ask the CA state Board of Insurance to intervene.
2005
• Over the course of the year, six friends kill themselves.
• A friend’s marriage ends in divorce.
• We battle with our insurance company and ask the CA department of Managed Health Care to intervene.
• A friend is diagnosed with a fatal genetic disorder.
2006
• Our friend with the genetic disorder contracts colon cancer at age 29.
• Anonymous mom’s mom (who I’ve known since I was two) almost dies.
• A business deal my dad is orchestrating falls through.
• A family friend’s son drops dead of an aortic aneurysm at age 24.
• Our good friend, Betty, moves away.
• Just this month, a friend’s son was changing a tire on the highway and was struck by a drunk driver.

So… it doesn’t look very good. That’s a lot of bad stuff.

But then, I started thinking. There’s a good side to a lot of those things.

• Our friend who lost her store in Chelsea can now be a stay-at-home mom.
• Yes, I ended my career as an architect, but I got rid of the verbally abusive employer. This allowed me to became a teacher – something I’d always wanted to do. And since I started this career path, I’ve never been at a loss for work. In fact, people have let me run three different companies!
• Yes, my suicidal thoughts returned, but I finally got help for them. Yes, I was in multiple hospitals and day programs, but I met good, decent therapists (for the most part) and got good help that I’d been needed for ages. Yes, I got those lousy diagnoses but frankly, they were correct and helped me finally understand myself.
• Yes, I was arrested and deserved it. But I came close to dying that night and I lived. AND I’ve been sober for the past four years. Something I thought I could never accomplish.
• We have fought many battles with our insurance companies, but so far, we have forced them to pay for nearly everything.
• Six friends did commit suicide, but I’ve made great friends and met amazing people. And I’ve finally met and connected with other people with mental illnesses and hospitalizations – something I’d always wanted.
• Yes, we’ve struggled financially but my husband got his PhD, has had a successful post-doctorate fellowship, and is now looking for professorships. For the first time, our financial outlook is not so bleak.
• Our friend with the fatal genetic disorder was glad to finally know what was wrong with her. Even though doctors doubted there was anything wrong with her, she kept pushing for an answer. Her perseverance meant that she was able to catch the colon cancer before it had metastasized.
• Our good friend, Betty, did move away, but she is building a wonderful new life in her home state.
• My parents retired to a beautiful estate outside of Santa Fe and we get along with them better than we ever have.
• I’ve been off meds with the goal of getting pregnant for five months. And although I’m not pregnant, YET… in the past few years, tons of our friends have had trouble-free pregnancies and have given birth to happy, healthy, wonderful children.
• Despite all my troubles, my husband hung in there with me and we have been together for 11 years.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying for ONE SECOND that anonymous mom has it wrong. There are years where everything just goes to shit. And there certainly are events that lead to no happy endings – our friend who was murdered, September 11th, and near-death experiences are never good. NEVER.

I guess I was just surprised to look up and realize that I no longer have a black cloud hanging over my head. A lot of the things that I thought were terrible tragedies have actually made my life better in the long run. They were incredibly painful (or “hella painful” as one of my students would say) but they were sorta… worth it.

Hey, I did warn you that I was going to sound like a Pollyanna… (Ah, Haley Mills, so talented and yet so possessed looking in the above picture.)