husband > macaroni

My husband is off on a play date tonight so I'm on my own for the evening. His grad-school buddy's wife is on a business trip so they are enjoying large amounts of x-box, HDTV and whiskey. And of course, no man play-date is complete without some ball scratching and swearing (I imagine). He doesn't do this on a regular basis.

And it's a good thing. (Not because I don't want him to have friends) It's just... I don't know what to do with myself when he's not here.

When he's home, I have guidelines. Eat a nice dinner. Clean up afterwards. Don't spend the evening doing work or staring at the computer. Interact with the other person in the room. Go to bed around 11pm.

When he's not home, all bets are off. I might decide to eat something odd (like a bowl of brussel sprouts) or not to eat at all. I might use the time to catch up on work and get myself all burnt out and exhausted. One minute, I'm tempted to let the house get all messy and the next, I want to start taking apart all the closets. If I can't make any decisions and get really fed up, I might just go to bed right after dinner. It's like the committee in my head can't decide what's most important. The various facets of my personality always seem to want to do different things. The only time when they agree is when someone else is counting on them.

So this is what I've decided to do tonight: eat a bowl of Annie's mac & cheese, lie on the couch and stare at the TV. It's like a big, glowing pacifier when I don't want to think anymore.

Postscript: soon after writing the above post, our neighbor came home. The cat thought it was my husband and ran expectantly to the door. I guess I'm not the only one who misses him.