I'm SO sick of crying.
It feels like I've cried almost every day this past week. I cried last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (twice), Friday, and again today (three times).
Oh yeah, and I have no attention span or ability to concentrate. Those things have been replaced by an overwhelming desire to sleep as much as possible.
Why am I crying so much, you may ask? Why the avoidant behavior?
Oh... it's my job. My stinkin' 30-hour a week, part-time, not-so-hard job that I find overwhelming.
So tomorrow morning, I'm meeting with my boss. I'm going to tell him that I can't continue in my managerial position and I want to go back to just being a tutor.
I could go into all the details about why I find the job overwhelming... I could explain why this job is harder for me because of my diagnosis... how the company's new and thus a bit disorganized... how I'm a bit of a perfectionist...
BUT...
None of it would be explanation enough for me. I could cry 100 more days in a row and I'd still think I was a failure because I couldn't handle this job.
I know a job isn't a measure of my worth, damn it... it sure feels like it sometime.
1 comment:
i think that if the manager position is making you unhappy then, especially for you, that's risky and it's a very good idea to reduce your workload some. you will eventually find something that will fill up enough of your time and be interesting and not so stressful - in the meantime, tutoring is something that you are good at and it is really fairly flexible. i hope the conversation went well and i'm sorry i haven't called. i'm done traveling now and so i'll call you soon, k?
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