The flip side

In my last post, I promised to write about the flip side to an "intellectually balanced life." After posting, I realized that I kind of alluded to it already:

"I was ill a lot in high school.... I was stressed out and irritated and frequently difficult to spend time with.... I felt fortunate to have survived those four years. Prep school put me through the wringer.... my high school experience was hellish..."

It was thrilling to work so hard. But mostly, it was exhausting. If someone could've taught me the pleasures of doing nice things for myself at a younger age, I would've learned what REAL balance is. At some point, we all have an obligation to ENJOY life. What a concept!

"now that I’ve been out of school... there’s even less time and money for these things. There are dishes and dinner and laundry and work..."

Oh yeah... money. I wasn't exactly supporting myself in high school. To support oneself, specialization becomes somewhat... necessary! It's fantastic to be a generalist and renaissance woman, but how many people get paid for that? (Um... ok, tutors frequently do. Perhaps THAT explains my affection for my adopted profession.) And I wasn't exactly keeping a house, a husband or a child in those days (as anonymous mom so rightly pointed out). All those things require work. Hard work. And loads of time.

Finally, I'm learning that this desire to recapture every lost bit of knowledge, every abandoned pursuit is really just another way for me to be hard on myself... how I beat myself up, compare myself to others. I hold myself to the high standards that were suggested to me when I was younger. And there's nothing that says that those were the RIGHT standards. Or that such a thing even exists.