A post that gives me little satisfaction or pleasure

In one of my groups this week, we were talking about how we never feel secure… in our relationships, in our accomplishments, in anything. We can be having a good conversation with someone and the moment they leave the room, it’s as if the bond disintegrates.

I suggested it might have something to do with poor “object relations.” Nobody seemed to know what this meant (and I wasn’t so sure I understood it myself…) I know my doctor talks about it frequently, and I remembered seeing it in my old medical records I’ve been reading lately. The psychological evaluation said:

“[Juniper] is quick to acknowledge her abilities and strengths (for example, her very determined attitude toward architecture) yet, her object-relations are such that she experiences very little in the way of satisfaction or pleasure from her accomplishments. There is an intense and ongoing need for approval obtained through achievement and intense strivings for perfection. These attempts however are repeatedly hindered by continued self-criticism and harsh self-judgments reflective of over-identification with negative part properties of external objects. There seems to be a strong sense of having to live up to externally established standards and expectations resulting in a guilty type of depressive experience characterized by a proclivity to assume blame and a continual barrage of self-criticisms. The prevailing experience seems to be one of not being “good enough.”

So here’s an explanation of what the hell they’re talking about:

The theory of “Object relations” proposes that a person’s concept of “self” exists only in relationship to other objects. In most cases, the most important objects are a person’s parents. The conscious and unconscious ways in which an individual interprets these relationships becomes the basis for personality and for later interactions with others. Sometimes, these objects are internalized versions of real-life objects. (again, usually one’s parents)

Any intimacy, control, loss, transparency, dependency/autonomy, trust, attachment, frustration, or rejection that occurs between the person and their object shapes how they see themselves. These events can become reoccurring mental states that are continually played out in a person’s life.

In Object Relations Psychotherapy, the therapist does not assume a passive role. Active participation allows the therapist to pay attention to how the patient projects old object relationships onto their interactions with the therapist. The goal of the therapy is to resolve the pathological aspects of their interaction by re-experiencing important object relational issues with the therapist in a safe and caring environment. The therapist must provide acceptance and validation as well as set limits to the relationship and to the client's behavior.

A good source for more information: Victor Daniels' Website in The Psychology Department at Sonoma State University

Now that I think about it… that explanation wasn’t really good enough…