Forever in our hearts (and on my fridge)

We were so far away and didn't know what to do. I was already awake, well before my alarm was set to go off. The phone rang and I leapt out of bed. Oh great, I thought, running to answer it. No one ever called this early with good news. But it was our friend, John. Relieved, I reassured him he hadn't woken me.

"Are you watching TV?" He asked. "You need to turn the TV on." I put the phone down and, as I walked quickly to the TV, I shouted:

"Hon, John's says there's something on TV. I think you should get up." I turned the TV and saw only one tower. "Oh my god, hon come out here right now! Get out of bed!" I ran back to the phone.

"They hit the pentagon too." John said. I turned to see my husband standing motionless in front of the TV in his pajama pants. His hand rested on top of his head, stuck where he had been scratching his head.

"Where's the other one!?" And as I said it, the picture changed to show the tape of the first building collapsing. Oh no. My husband sat on the couch, his eyes fixed. I know about buildings, the other one can't… As I had the thought the second tower fell. We just stared. We had just watched thousands of people die right before our eyes.

“We’re at war” my husband said.

They were trying to find all the planes. Another plane crashed in Pennsylvania and then nothing. Out the window I could see the planes lined up to land at SFO. I decided I was going to go to work. The terrorists wanted to scare us but if we kept living our lives, they wouldn't win.

I got dressed in pants and running shoes, just in case. Only a few cars were on the highway. Passing Candlestick Park, the horizon opened with the skyline of downtown San Francisco sitting in front of me. When I was little I had nightmares about nuclear bombs falling from the sky. I imagined planes streaking overhead, dive-bombing into the city like warheads.

When I got to my office, I turned the radio off and just sat in the car. Every once in a great while I pray, just in case I'm wrong about God. I squeezed my eyes tight. Dear God, please let them have no pain. All I could think of was the dusty air where the towers should be; crowded with too many souls trying to leave at the same time.