“Professional, Expert” Narcissus

I have a problem parent.

Not my own parents (although they provide more than enough problems), I’m referring to the father of one of my tutoring clients. “Hairy” as I’ll call him is a narcissist, by which I mean that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I recognized it right away – he reminds me of my dad. You might recognize the type… we currently have one for a president… everything they say sounds defensive and condescending. Narcissists are prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity

When admiring themselves:
• They are absorbed by fantasies of entitlement and unlimited success.
• They act in a grandiose manner with an exaggerated sense of superiority and self-importance.
• They have unrealistically inflated views of their talents and accomplishments believing that others envy them.

When insecure:
• They are extremely sensitive to criticism, failure, or defeat.
• They become enraged or seriously depressed.
• Desperate to regain attention and admiration they consider others’ viewpoints, needs or beliefs less important. They use this belief to justify exploiting the people around them.

Ironically, narcissists frequently are high achievers, and successful professionally. This dad is a professional, expert medical witness. Yup… he goes and testifies why you may or may not really be as sick as you claim to be. (perhaps the perfect profession for a narcissist – telling other people how they feel) Yet because they lack empathy and patience, narcissists rarely have long-lasting intimate relationships and often offend the people they encounter. Like me.

I used to just deal with my student’s mom and everyone was happy. But about six months ago, dad stepped in. Hairy wasn’t happy with my performance and called to let me know why.

I left his house half an hour early because the kid had NO homework. I told my student that I wouldn’t charge them for the full hour. Silly me, I thought the family might not want to waste their money on unnecessary tutoring. I was informed that it was my job to show up prepared with work their son could do if he had no homework.

I was still charging them $50/hour although I was no longer working for a tutoring company. I told the dad I probably wasn’t the right tutor for him. “Why?” he asked. Because that’s the fee I feel is commensurate with my level of experience, I said. I assured him I wasn’t some 20-something college-student and he relented. Actually, I think he loved hearing that he had a seasoned, mature employee working for him. The next time I saw him (when he wandered in, bare-chested, after a bike ride) he exclaimed “my youngest son… with my oldest tutor!” Ass. Hole.